They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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