Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
