The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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