i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
