My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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