CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
