There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
