Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
