why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
