3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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