I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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