You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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