i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
