A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
