Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
