It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
