you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
