there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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