Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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