ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
