After last night, I could never be a politician.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
