The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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