I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just cropdusted the office
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize