Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
