You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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