but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
