hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
