You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
