recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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