just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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