I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
