do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
