Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
