We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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