dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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