the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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