non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
