Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
