I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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