Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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