Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
