I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
