We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
