3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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