I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize