I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
