new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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