i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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