Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
