You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
