I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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