I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am available for nakedness
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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