I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
