i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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