i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
