oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
