Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
