Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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