We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
