I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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