The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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