Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
