it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
