you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How external is "for external use only"?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
