sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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