my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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