We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
