Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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