her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
