Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
