Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
