So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
