Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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