i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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