first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
