My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
