just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
