Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My vagina is officially offended.
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