Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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