Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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