And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
