He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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