Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
