How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
