I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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