He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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