Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize