i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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