you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
