I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
