Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
now i know why i became what i already was.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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