I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
