I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
