he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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