we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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