please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
