So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
