why didn't you poke me back
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I love you.
Bad choice
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
