No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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