Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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