So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
