Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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