New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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