Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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