omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
