Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
