I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
