what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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