Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
