spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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