Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
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