somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The adults are the big ones right?
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