oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
