Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
